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Old 03-01-2015, 03:32 AM   #1
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Pregnant before marriage

Dear friends, I don't know what to do....
I am Bahai and got pregnant while I'm not married...
Me and my boyfriend love each other deeply but are only together for two months.. it was a great shock because we took precautions but we both realize it was wrong in the first place to have sex before marriage and we see the situation we are in now completely as Gods willing and have accepted it
We have the intention to get married but my family and environment (Western) would not accept if we marry because we are expecting a baby... His environment cannot accept our child if we are not married, so we decided to first marry by Islamic law for his family, and when the child is born by law for my family, so they believe it's a marriage out of love, not out of force
Now my main problem is with the Bahai community... I recently moved abd havent been to nineteendayfeasts yet out of fear they will find out I'm pregnant (especially now the fast is starting) and judge me or try to convince me to marry immediately... also I would love to marry by Bahai law too and by the laws in my country this is only allowed after the legal marriage (so I'm actually already breaking the governmental law by marrying by Islamic law before state law).
I feel so lost, I want to do the right thing after I already did wrong but I need to take into account the unity of our families. Also I feel now I'm getting far from the Bahai community out of fear, while actually I could use some guidance...
Any ideas on what is wise according to the writings? Anything written about what path to take when getting pregnant outside of marriage and if I don't follow it can there be consequences from the national spiritual assembly?
Please advice
Thanks so much... <3
 
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Old 03-01-2015, 05:11 AM   #2
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"but my family and environment (Western) would not accept if we marry because we are expecting a baby"

Aren't Western values becoming kind of strange?

gnat
 
Old 03-01-2015, 09:03 AM   #3
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Western values might be strange and not what we as humanity are striving for, yet my family's values of marrying out of love and not because ''you have to, because you are having a baby'', are not that strange. there are enough examples in our (catholic) environment where people had to get married because of pregnancy and lived a unhappily ever after life. My relationship with my partner, with our baby, with God, is based on love and I need my environment to feel it, I need to feel it myself too when I get married. If we get married now not only my surroundings will feel it's because of the baby, but me too, because without it we would not have married this year. Is it so wrong to make marrying out of love and free will (and to feel and this show this) a priority? Do you think the LSA would not approve if we postpone?
 
Old 03-01-2015, 01:45 PM   #4
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Your LSA will want you to marry at a time that is right for you and your partner and child. You say you are with him two months. Please try to get to know each other as well as possible before getting married
 
Old 03-03-2015, 02:58 AM   #5
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Well, I'd say that, first of all, I respect you for keeping the child. That, to me, is the first of all those difficult choices in this case. Then, my first reply might hav been misled by the heading you chose, "Pregnant before marriage".

Then, I'm a Bahá'í, but a Western European as well, so I'm not a bit shocked by this. My very first reaction is that of respecting your choice to keep the child. As to the rest, well, it will work out, I'm sure.

Good luck! Those little ones really are the purpose of our existence on the planet.

gnat

Last edited by gnat; 03-03-2015 at 03:04 AM.
 
Old 03-03-2015, 12:45 PM   #6
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Please ignore this post.

Last edited by Locked; 03-03-2015 at 12:54 PM.
 
Old 03-06-2015, 08:05 PM   #7
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I think the thing to remember in terms of fearing judgement is that as Baha'is they must remember: "breathe not the sins of others while thou art a sinner."

Congratulations and I hope it all goes well for you
 
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