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Old 12-31-2017, 01:07 PM   #1
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Baha'i and christian? Problems..

Hi. So first of all, i heard about baha'i just few weeks ago. I met this nice guy earlier, and we've been seeing and texting a lot. This week we had a date, and we ended up having sex. _After_ that happened, this guy told me I was his first one. I was suprised, we're at our late twenties so I assumed he has had sex before. After that, we talked about religion and he told me that it's forbidden for a baha'i person to have sex before marriage..this made me a bit anxious. I felt like I have "ruined" him. Like I was dirty and took his purity or something.

He told me that he wasn't anxious about it, and that he really likes me. So everything seemed to be okay. But today I told him that I also like girls, and asked if it matters to him. He told me that baha'i doesn't approve homo/bisexuality. And that he didn't know what to say, he wasn't expecting anything like this to come up..now he has been quiet, and not responding to my messages like he used to.

No I feel even worse about him losing his virginity to me..if it's very important to wait 'till marriage, and now he propably realised that I am not someone who he could be with. I hope baha'i religion doesn't include any self punishments or anything like that :'( I feel bad for him.. any thoughts? Is it this bad?

Last edited by Lalau; 12-31-2017 at 01:09 PM. Reason: Wrong word
 
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Old 12-31-2017, 01:14 PM   #2
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He may be feeling guilty for his actions and if you care for him then let him know that God is the all forgiving and if he was to sincerely repent he has no reason to be guilty for longer according to the Bahá'í fait (if I'm correct)h. May god bless him and you with the illumination of his love and grace
 
Old 12-31-2017, 01:24 PM   #3
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I hope it's that simple. Do you think that we should or should not see each other anymore? Is it gonna be too hard to avoid sex when we already did it �� and because I dont have any reasons to avoid sex so is it really gonna work.. I have not asked if he thinks that it was only this time. I'm really not sure if he even wants to see me again because of this bisexuality thing.
 
Old 12-31-2017, 01:37 PM   #4
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Yes I think that sex should be avoided before marriage .. The title says Baha'i and Christianity Jesus never enjoined people to have sex before marriage. There is great wisdom in these things.
 
Old 12-31-2017, 01:52 PM   #5
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Yes, I'm christian but not really a religious person. Religion doesn't actually play any role in my life. Maybe he'll answer me when he gets his mind together. I hope.
 
Old 12-31-2017, 02:50 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
Yes, I'm christian but not really a religious person. Religion doesn't actually play any role in my life. Maybe he'll answer me when he gets his mind together. I hope.
How could you be Christian if you're not religious? Do you believe in God and in his Son Jesus Christ? Have you been baptized in the name of the Holy Trinity?
 
Old 12-31-2017, 03:11 PM   #7
Tony Bristow-Stagg
 
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Welcome Lalau

We all have to face the decisions we have made and it takes two to Tango!

Both Faiths teach Chasity and that sexual relations only are lawful in a Marriage.

Our inability to live Gods Laws must be sorted out within our own selves.

I hope the situation leads to better understanding for you both.

Regards Tony

Last edited by tonyfish58; 12-31-2017 at 03:17 PM.
 
Old 12-31-2017, 04:44 PM   #8
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Yes, I have been baptized and I believe in god. But in my country, religion is not a "big thing" for most of people. We dont go to church or pray actively or do as the bible says. Christianity is not that strict as bahai or some other religions. I guess it's a cultural thing also how important religion is in someones life.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 08:25 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
I hope baha'i religion doesn't include any self punishments or anything like that :'( I feel bad for him.. any thoughts? Is it this bad?
Well if you want a deeper understanding, it's a hygiene law. Baha'is are enjoined not to have sex outside of marriage because grouping off into marriage-based groups of sexual partners with no outside partners is really, really good for humans biologically speaking because it protects from and reduces the flow of sexually transmitted diseases. This is why every single human society on the face of the planet, religious or secular, came up with the idea of marriage.

Strangely, this is something even the pornography business knows on some subconscious level, as their actors usually limit themselves to specific sub-genres to limit the spread of STD's within their industry, because the more isolated a sexual group from the other groups, the more protection it has from STD transmission.

But back on topic, the law is a hygiene law, so the "crime is the punishment", so-to-speak.

For example, if a Baha'i doesn't follow the law that says he should bathe or shower regularly their "punishment" for breaking that law is just the increased risk of disease that that unhealthy lifestyle causes. Hygiene laws are given to us for our benefit, and not following them is to our detriment. But that's not necessarily because of some otherworldly punishment, just the natural consequences for bad hygiene.

So the only "punishment" your partner has for not heeding that advice is just whatever extra risk of disease he has incurred for not heeding that advice. If you have no sexually transmitted diseases yourself then he has fortunately avoided that.

I do feel sorta sorry for the guy, though. In the culture I live in it's sort of the stereotype that men always want sex, and thus its socially seen as the woman's role to determine the time in a relationship when the relationship gets sexual. I know a guy (a non-Baha'i) who felt pressured into having sex before he was ready to. So I am sympathetic towards him, with the (perhaps incorrect) assumption that Finland has a similar sexual culture to my own, as it may be that he simply felt pressured into it due to societal expectations. But that could just be something I'm interpreting from a bias because I know someone who went through a similar situation.

Also please note, I don't mean this sympathy for this guy as a judgement of you, personally. I don't mean to say that it is you who pressured him into doing something he didn't want to. It's rather a societal pressure that exists within the whole of society that I am talking about.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 08:55 AM   #10
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Thank you, Walrus, for your demonstrative answer! I understand a little better now this whole waiting till marriage thing..

He's safe from stds! Still haven't asked him if it was just that one time or what is he thinking. But I saw him today, and he seemed fine, not anxious or anything. Maybe he can accept me as I am. And accept the situation.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 11:16 AM   #11
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Guess it's too hard for two people this different to think about relationship. I dont think there's anything wrong with your religion, actually think it's good. But me not being part of that, there are too many differences about the way we live. Thank you for your answers though.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 11:34 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
Guess it's too hard for two people this different to think about relationship. I dont think there's anything wrong with your religion, actually think it's good. But me not being part of that, there are too many differences about the way we live. Thank you for your answers though.
I hope you always remain well and happy and it all works out as it should.

As a thought to consider, life is about God and His Laws. These Laws are our greatest elixer. If we follow them in Faith the wisdom of the laws unfold and guide our life.

If we choose our own path that does not include these laws, then life events will always point us back to the Wisdom in God's Laws, this usually appears as more sufferings for us to consider the actions we have chosen and these sufferings can be far more widespread. Also it can all happen over a period of many years, all the while we think all is fine.

You have already seen a glimpse if this in this current situation.

This is a big topic, but essential to pursue. Regards Tony

Last edited by tonyfish58; 01-02-2018 at 11:39 AM.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 11:48 AM   #13
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Tony, I think that is the biggest difference and problem - I dont think that life is about God and his laws, and following those laws. In my life, God is something that gives people comfort and guidance - but doesn't tell people how to live, what to do and what not to. I dont think that religion should limit people. I'm sorry if I hurt somebodys thoughts saying like this.

But in the world, we already have laws, and our own conscience. I think thats enough - for me. But I do understand you guys, ans this guy I'm talking about in this topic. I was confused, and came here asking. I'm still gonna meet this guy, but we really need to talk about everything.
 
Old 01-02-2018, 12:07 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
Tony, I think that is the biggest difference and problem - I dont think that life is about God and his laws, and following those laws. In my life, God is something that gives people comfort and guidance - but doesn't tell people how to live, what to do and what not to. I dont think that religion should limit people. I'm sorry if I hurt somebodys thoughts saying like this.

But in the world, we already have laws, and our own conscience. I think thats enough - for me. But I do understand you guys, ans this guy I'm talking about in this topic. I was confused, and came here asking. I'm still gonna meet this guy, but we really need to talk about everything.
Yes this is right, you must follow your own heart, I can only give you experience from my life. We can only offer advice if we have faced situations that give us and understanding of these matters.

To discuss this between yourselves is the most important thing to do. For a Baha'i to follow the Laws of Baha'u'llah go hand in hand with Belief in Baha'u'llah. A partner would have to appreciate that the Laws are important part of Faith and that is all I can offer in that respect.

I wish you both well.

Regards Tony
 
Old 01-02-2018, 12:14 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
Tony, I think that is the biggest difference and problem - I dont think that life is about God and his laws, and following those laws. In my life, God is something that gives people comfort and guidance - but doesn't tell people how to live, what to do and what not to. I dont think that religion should limit people. I'm sorry if I hurt somebodys thoughts saying like this.

But in the world, we already have laws, and our own conscience. I think thats enough - for me. But I do understand you guys, ans this guy I'm talking about in this topic. I was confused, and came here asking. I'm still gonna meet this guy, but we really need to talk about everything.
Please note you will never hurt our feelings by offering your view.

These are very good questions, I assume you have a Christain background. I say this because of your views on God's Laws.

The Faith before Christ, that of the Jews is very Law based as is the Faith after Christ, that of Muhammad.

I would offer Christ does offer that following Gods Advice and Laws are very important. This importance has only been clouded in the last century or two.

Just another thought for you. I hope we do not hurt your feelings in offering this advice.

I hope you see it as advice of a Father All good intended.

Regards Tony
 
Old 01-02-2018, 01:39 PM   #16
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Laws

'Think not that we have revealed unto you a mere code of laws, Nay! Rather We have unsealed the choice wine with the fingers of Might and Power'

'From My laws the sweet smelling savor of My garment can be smelled'
 
Old 01-02-2018, 04:39 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Yousefy2 View Post
'Think not that we have revealed unto you a mere code of laws, Nay! Rather We have unsealed the choice wine with the fingers of Might and Power'

'From My laws the sweet smelling savor of My garment can be smelled'
Yes this is the gift of the Laws.

Abdul'baha also told of this day;

"In a time to come, morals will degenerate to an extreme degree. It is essential that children be reared in the Bahá'í way, that they may find happiness both in this world and the next. If not, they shall be beset by sorrows and troubles, for human happiness is founded upon spiritual behaviour. Abdu'l-Baha

The thing with this warning, is that the change was gradual and so we reached this level of morality, all the while thinking it was a wonderful part of our liberation.

In this day it is going to be very difficult for people to see we need to return to the Laws of God. Unknowingly or knowingly we have chosen greater suffering.

Regards Tony
 
Old 01-02-2018, 11:54 PM   #18
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You dont hurt my feelings neither, I think it's good and interesting to discuss these things and try to see the world from another angle.

It actually makes me feel warmth in my heart when I realise that some people - like you - have this strong faith. It's totally something to appreciate.
 
Old 01-03-2018, 12:16 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalau View Post
You dont hurt my feelings neither, I think it's good and interesting to discuss these things and try to see the world from another angle.

It actually makes me feel warmth in my heart when I realise that some people - like you - have this strong faith. It's totally something to appreciate.
Good on you Lalau, your heart will guide you in life. I wish for you a very full and rewarding life.

Regards Tony
 
Old 02-09-2018, 11:29 PM   #20
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The most dangerous STD is discord and jealous fire, many wars and broken homes that have perpetuated for generations have sometimes occured.

Whether near or far the hurt of uncertain love can travel with a soul, therefore let love increase between you, strive to bring some joy to each other if you can, even if only friendship, if not friendship then understanding patience...

As recorded in Mathew Christ spoke words like this:

“Settle matters quickly with your companion who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your companion may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

All that is to say that estrangement hinders the flow of living virtue between souls. Let love increase not decrease.
 
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