Sboyce

So, my mother disagrees with me being in this Faith. Her boyfriend is convinced I am a New World Order illuminati/Mason and make derogatory remarks at me and the Faith. My mother agrees with him. I could care less about that, as I am not close to my parents for various reasons.
However, the other night, I blew up on them. Really I just said one "F*** you*" and left after repeatedly asking for a change of subject and respect for differences.
I was just wondering if anyone could provide, idk, a growth strategy from this. An example from of how we are supposed to react. How to keep self dignity and eliminate the feeling of violation in my personal rights...

This happened weeks ago, and I still feel violated.

arthra

Since you've had this run in with your parents.. I'd suggest you refrain from discussing with them anything about the Faith for awhile and maybe find some areas where you can help them or co-exist.

When you say your prayers think about your parents..even though you've had a rough go with them.

"...children, .... must show forth charity and beneficence, and must implore pardon and forgiveness for their parents."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith, p. 329

"And I beg of Him to enable thee to confirm thy parents and make thee a servant in His great vineyard, and cause the consolation of thine eye, thy noble child, to enter the garden of His exalted Kingdom."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v1, p. 184

Pray for forgiveness for your parents:

I beg Thy forgiveness, O my God, and implore pardon after the manner Thou wishest Thy servants to direct themselves to Thee. I beg of Thee to wash away our sins as befitteth Thy Lordship, and to forgive me, my parents, and those who in Thy estimation have entered the abode of Thy love in a manner which is worthy of Thy transcendent sovereignty and well beseemeth the glory of Thy celestial power.

O my God! Thou hast inspired my soul to offer its supplication to Thee, and but for Thee, I would not call upon Thee. Lauded and glorified art Thou; I yield Thee praise inasmuch as Thou didst reveal Thyself unto me, and I beg Thee to forgive me, since I have fallen short in my duty to 64 know Thee and have failed to walk in the path of Thy love.

- The Bab

(Compilations, Baha'i Prayers, p. 63)

"Deep as are family ties, we must always remember that the spiritual ties are far deeper; they are everlasting and survive death, whereas physical ties, unless supported by spiritual bonds, are confined to this life. You should do all in your power, through prayer and example, to open the eyes of your family to the Bahá'í Faith, but do not grieve too much over their actions. Turn to your Bahá'í brothers and sisters who are living with you in the light of the Kingdom.

(From letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, May 8, 1942)

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 218)

Sboyce

I feel different about family than probably most of you. I have already "mourned" the "loss" of my mother. She is alive but i havent felt like Ive had a mom because she has either been in prison or drugged up.
I often feel terrible because I myself am apathetic towards my family relations... struggles
I like this venting though

InvestigateTruth

I suggest you remind yourself Tablet of Ahmad, specially the part Baha'u'llah says:

"And if thou art overtaken by affliction in My path, or degradation for My sake, be not thou troubled thereby.

Rely upon God, thy God and the Lord of thy fathers. For the people are wandering in the paths of delusion, bereft of discernment to see God with their own eyes, or hear His Melody with their own ears. Thus have We found them, as thou also dost witness.

Thus have their superstitions become veils between them and their own hearts and kept them from the path of God, the Exalted, the Great."

armin

In practical terms I'd say keep living like this. Love your family but if the love causes trouble then back down a bit to find a balance. Find the limit at which both you and your mother are comfortable with, this most likely will be a lesser kind of relationship but if it's eating you up and causing her to ridicule you and your religion then I find this appropriate.

I don't know how old you are but if you're in late teenage years and above then do consider becoming independent. It'll be hard at first but life goes on. Also, on the other hand the less you mother sees you the more she will desire to see you leading to a better relationship when you meet.

Love them and accept them as they are and help them when you can. But we all have our limits. When you see that loving, caring, and helping is not really working on them but rather is taking something away from you then make yourself the priority and make sure you do things unrelated to clear your mind.

At the end of it we gotta love everyone however blind they might be to the real truth, and do our best to help them to see the path. If however, this doesn't work and it affects us negatively we gotta focus on ourselves to get back in line, be a good loving baha'i, keep our sanity, being patient ....

And of course never forget praying. I've recently made a bond with the tablet of Ahmad and the Fire tablet. When you ponder about what's being said it makes all the troubles we have seem like nothing.

cire perdue

This is where you start from. I know you do not approve of your reactions, but they were probably the best you could do at the time. It's important to go back and figure out how you could have handled that better, even if you could not have done it then. If we can't see another way to handle things it is the same as saying "I can't change." This is for you only, so that you can grow.

I don't know if you are old enough to go to Al Anon, but it has made a Baha'i out of me. I have no experience with Al Ateen, but it is there as well. You more than qualify even if your mother is clean and sober, because it has been there in obviously significant part of your life. It is a spiritual program that teaches one how to be responsible for his/her own happiness. Facing them alone without help and maintaining self respect is probably nearly impossible. Part of learning about our powerlessness, as in the short obligatory prayer, is that we cannot change other people, and we may look crazier than they ARE if we don't accept that. It's important to accept people where there are, and take care of one's self. It's not easy, it's simple, but it is very hard to set emotional boundaries and maintain my sanity around people that lack it, and it takes time. It can be done, but not without going beyond one's comfort zone and getting help. Consider it.

Sboyce

Im 19 and actually I have been living alone for a year and a half. My senior year I was mostly independent and now i am completely. SUpport here is wonderful and thanks for the ideas.
Wonderful community, saved my life

Pollwr

Sboyce,
Sorry that you have been having a hard time. We expect a bit of persecution but it is hardest to bear when it comes from those we love and it is not always easy to rise above it. Bahá'u'lláh seemed to have more than his fair share of problem family members too.
Hang in there. It may take years but have confidence that those who love you will learn most about the Faith as they witness the influence it has on your life and actions even when they are not receptive to taking onboard any facts or teachings now. I was lucky. I decided to become a Bahá'í at 15 and my family opposed my decision as they thought I was too young. I didn't declare until I was 18 and at that age they would have defended to the hilt my right to be part of any religion of my choosing.

ohhcuppycakee

I'm sorry your parents think like that. My parents also tend to look down on my religion as well. I am Muslim and they are non-religious Christians.