Interfaith relationships

notabsolute · 12-18-2011, 12:12 PM

Hi everyone. I have a two-part question about interfaith relationships and/or marriages and your thoughts on the subject. I recently met a girl who is not religious, instead, more spiritual in nature (she believes in love, kindness, and the heart) last night we had a short discussion about my beliefs, that I am a Bahá'í, and she has heard of the Bahá'í Faith and likes its concept but says she could never see herself following a religion. However, I do think once we start progressing in our relationship that she would find the Faith very attractive. So a little background info about our relationship, currently we are friends, but we definitely like each other more than that but haven't officially vocalized it, so to speak. Also, she is a light drinker (alcoholic beverages) do any of you have a spouse or partner who is agnostic or atheist and who partakes in drinking? How do you feel about it and does it put any sort of strain on your relationship?

Rani · 12-18-2011, 01:17 PM

Dear Notabsolute,

If I were investigating a relationship with view to possible marriage..

I believe we should enter a marriage only if we can accept the person as they are, with no expectation or pressure that they will become baha'i, or whatever aspect it is about them we may hope will change.
Of course, if they choose to become baha'i -great!! However, being attached to that expectation -that they would eventually become baha'i, may just place undue pressure on them, possibly create some resentment, and may cause you disappointment, if it doesn't come about.
So, yea, I would only enter a marriage if you believe you can accept the person, as is, and be happy with them, and create fruit as a result of the marriage.

And by fruit I mean, there are different fruits resulting from marriage.. Not just children, but the force you can have on others' lives as an example.

I do have a friend who married a guy who was agnostic.. Well they have been married a long time now, and a year or so ago he joined the Atheists and skeptics Society. She doesn't seem that happy in the marriage to me, and often complains, but has hung in there. But of course there are happier stories too of ppl who have married agnostics and such.

Regarding drinking, although you directed the question to those in marriages, if I can offer something..
Having been brought up in western culture and a non-religious family who drink socially, I don't find other people's light drinking particularly offensive. I think I don't see it in the same light, as those from a more conservative upbringing might. I mean, for baha'is it's prohibited, and I have no problem with that.

I think that the consumption of alcohol is one law that could be open to alteration in a subsequent dispensation. It may or may not, and I am not attached to the issue, but in Christianity, as I understand, in many denominations, it is not prohibited, but discouraged, or just minimised. -'Do not get drunk with wine but be filled with the Holy Ghost'. (from Bible).
My point is that it is not one of those moral laws that never changes throughout the ages, but it is a social one, that we baha'is accept as a matter of faith.

No religion however, will teach that getting drunk is okay.

I never liked drinking even before I became baha'i, and have only had about 10 drinks in my entire life, but if I am in the company of someone who just has one every now and then, I don't think it would be a problem for me. If however, their drinking leads to destructive behaviour or idleness (hanging around just drinking and getting tipsy), that isn't very productive and sounds like an issue.

notabsolute · 12-18-2011, 04:25 PM

Thank you Rani, I appreciate your constructive feedback - it helps shed some more light on these issues which I had concerns about, and I'm happy to say I'm feeling much better about it after reading your response, thank you so much!

arthra · 12-18-2011, 04:41 PM

It might be interesting notabsolute to have your friend explain what she finds distasteful about religion.. And continuing with that later see if she'd like to attend a Ruhi class...Her information about the Faith may not be accurate or prejudiced depending.

as far as alcohol goes she may come to undertstand better why you abstain.

But Rani is right on I think when she wrote

I believe we should enter a marriage only if we can accept the person as they are, with no expectation or pressure that they will become baha'i, or whatever aspect it is about them we may hope will change.

tonyfish58 · 12-18-2011, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabsolute

Hi everyone. I have a two-part question about interfaith relationships and/or marriages and your thoughts on the subject. I recently met a girl who is not religious, instead, more spiritual in nature (she believes in love, kindness, and the heart) last night we had a short discussion about my beliefs, that I am a Bahá'í, and she has heard of the Bahá'í Faith and likes its concept but says she could never see herself following a religion. However, I do think once we start progressing in our relationship that she would find the Faith very attractive. So a little background info about our relationship, currently we are friends, but we definitely like each other more than that but haven't officially vocalized it, so to speak. Also, she is a light drinker (alcoholic beverages) do any of you have a spouse or partner who is agnostic or atheist and who partakes in drinking? How do you feel about it and does it put any sort of strain on your relationship?

I have married an Atheist who likes an occasional drink.

As suggested above "I believe we should enter a marriage only if we can accept the person as they are, with no expectation or pressure that they will become Baha'i, or whatever aspect it is about them we may hope will change".

We are very compatible, except for Faith - I do not try to change Her, but I do occasionally discuss the topic of Religion and let it go as soon as the barrier comes up

I live in Hope & pray for Her

Regards Tony

12-18-2011, 12:12 PM	#1
notabsolute Junior Member Joined: Dec 2011 From: Canada Posts: 14	Interfaith relationships Hi everyone. I have a two-part question about interfaith relationships and/or marriages and your thoughts on the subject. I recently met a girl who is not religious, instead, more spiritual in nature (she believes in love, kindness, and the heart) last night we had a short discussion about my beliefs, that I am a Bahá'í, and she has heard of the Bahá'í Faith and likes its concept but says she could never see herself following a religion. However, I do think once we start progressing in our relationship that she would find the Faith very attractive. So a little background info about our relationship, currently we are friends, but we definitely like each other more than that but haven't officially vocalized it, so to speak. Also, she is a light drinker (alcoholic beverages) do any of you have a spouse or partner who is agnostic or atheist and who partakes in drinking? How do you feel about it and does it put any sort of strain on your relationship?

12-18-2011, 01:17 PM	#2
Rani Senior Member Joined: May 2011 From: Australia Posts: 240	Dear Notabsolute, If I were investigating a relationship with view to possible marriage.. I believe we should enter a marriage only if we can accept the person as they are, with no expectation or pressure that they will become baha'i, or whatever aspect it is about them we may hope will change. Of course, if they choose to become baha'i -great!! However, being attached to that expectation -that they would eventually become baha'i, may just place undue pressure on them, possibly create some resentment, and may cause you disappointment, if it doesn't come about. So, yea, I would only enter a marriage if you believe you can accept the person, as is, and be happy with them, and create fruit as a result of the marriage. And by fruit I mean, there are different fruits resulting from marriage.. Not just children, but the force you can have on others' lives as an example. I do have a friend who married a guy who was agnostic.. Well they have been married a long time now, and a year or so ago he joined the Atheists and skeptics Society. She doesn't seem that happy in the marriage to me, and often complains, but has hung in there. But of course there are happier stories too of ppl who have married agnostics and such. Regarding drinking, although you directed the question to those in marriages, if I can offer something.. Having been brought up in western culture and a non-religious family who drink socially, I don't find other people's light drinking particularly offensive. I think I don't see it in the same light, as those from a more conservative upbringing might. I mean, for baha'is it's prohibited, and I have no problem with that. I think that the consumption of alcohol is one law that could be open to alteration in a subsequent dispensation. It may or may not, and I am not attached to the issue, but in Christianity, as I understand, in many denominations, it is not prohibited, but discouraged, or just minimised. -'Do not get drunk with wine but be filled with the Holy Ghost'. (from Bible). My point is that it is not one of those moral laws that never changes throughout the ages, but it is a social one, that we baha'is accept as a matter of faith. No religion however, will teach that getting drunk is okay. I never liked drinking even before I became baha'i, and have only had about 10 drinks in my entire life, but if I am in the company of someone who just has one every now and then, I don't think it would be a problem for me. If however, their drinking leads to destructive behaviour or idleness (hanging around just drinking and getting tipsy), that isn't very productive and sounds like an issue. Last edited by Rani; 12-18-2011 at 05:03 PM.

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12-18-2011, 04:25 PM	#3
notabsolute Junior Member Joined: Dec 2011 From: Canada Posts: 14	Thank you Rani, I appreciate your constructive feedback - it helps shed some more light on these issues which I had concerns about, and I'm happy to say I'm feeling much better about it after reading your response, thank you so much!

12-18-2011, 04:41 PM	#4
arthra Senior Member Joined: Jun 2006 From: California Posts: 3,058	It might be interesting notabsolute to have your friend explain what she finds distasteful about religion.. And continuing with that later see if she'd like to attend a Ruhi class...Her information about the Faith may not be accurate or prejudiced depending. as far as alcohol goes she may come to undertstand better why you abstain. But Rani is right on I think when she wrote I believe we should enter a marriage only if we can accept the person as they are, with no expectation or pressure that they will become baha'i, or whatever aspect it is about them we may hope will change.