Rani

Dear Friends,

I wonder, even on this Christmas Eve, when almost everyone is busy, if some of you might spare a prayer for me regarding what should be a minor issue.

It is concerning a lack of harmony and some small conflict with a neighbour, who lives in an apartment immediately below me.

He has lived below me for about 4 and 1/2 years I'd say, and ever since he moved in he has had a habit of playing very loud music for long periods of time.

Considering it's gone on for so long, I think I've been quite patient; but after all this time, I eventually went and complained to my housing manager about it a week and a half ago.

I felt it was stopping me going to bed at a time I wished to at night, waiting until his music stopped, and it was making my personal music study (at low volume) very difficult at times. Even whilst reading and emailing recently I wore earplugs just to drown out the noise and have some peace of thought.

Well, I approached him I'd say maybe 30 times or more, over the years appealing to him in friendly manner, kindly explaining to him that it was interrupting /disrupting my ability to carry on my normal activities.

This was met with only a degree of change to the volume. But I also felt that his attitude was quite cocky and he made joke about it, despite at least 3 or 4 other neighbours who have visited my place, telling me that it is definitely too loud from where I live. Seeing as I'm immediately above him though, I think I copped the worst of it.

So, one night I lost my cool a bit and told him that if he wasn't more considerate, I would complain about it (to the housing manager), and of course it was downhill from there. Our communication broke down.

A few days after I made the complaint, another neighbour told me that the noisy one had asked him if I'd complained, to which he said, yes, I did.
The next morning, or the next day, I had a flat tyre, and even the kinder neighbour said he believed it was, in his opinion committed by the noisy one.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I'd had one (a flat) not that long ago; and when another neighbour who lives across from me showed me that the exact same kind of nail that was found in my tyre, was found in hers recently, things were looking fishy. And a third person has suffered the same.
I only have carport accomm for my car, and not a full garage, and therefore cannot lock up at night. And I consider myself a light user of my car. Maybe 7000 kms or 4400 miles a yr.

After initially wanting to take on an 'I don't know attitude' regarding the cause of my flat tyre, I'm now am more of the opinion that the noisy neighbour may well have deliberated damaged it.
It might take me too long to explain my other rationale.

So, please say some prayers for me, because I don't like this disharmony, and I also feel a bit annoyed that I am not fully protected. There are no security cameras in the carpark, so I cannot have verification either way unless I take constant vigil with a camera, which is not possible.

I also don't know if I should have persisted down the path of patience regarding the noise even more, but it wasn't seeming to get me very far, and as our communication had broken down, and he was very often playing the music very loudly, I felt I didn't have many other options.

So, yes, it is difficult sometimes to know the balance between forgiveness and being honey to someone's poison, or standing up for yourself when you feel that you are being disrespected and having your life disrupted (in my opinion) because of another.


Reading this, it may well sound kind of mundane and trivial perhaps, so apologies. But it seems he was not thinking about what is courteous, but rather what he could get away with.
Further to this he prides himself on being a christian, (why did I bring this up?!), so I wonder how he justifies his actions. Okay, I have no proof, once again, however, he has had run-ins with other neighbours -I think two, where the police were called.

Thank you, and I hope those spending time with family for the Christmas holiday have a nice day.

LordOfGoblins

Hi Rani.
That sounds prety bad. You dont want to get into a "power struggle" I think with certain kinds of people who have too much time on their hands like this guy it seems, if he is staying up all night to late music, he has for too much free time.
I dont know what to do exactly if you all had a flat tire you should report it to the police let them know this guy might be doing that. If you do that together than he wont think its just you against him..
Not sure as I never had this problem exactly. I dont know if there is any point just asking him over and over if he does not listen. But isnt there a thing about noise volumes during the week after certain hours being illegal?
Maybe ask him directly why he wont adjust the volume? What is his answer? But I guess you already tried that..

Napkin

I dont think there is enough evidence to believe he damaged your tire. The nails could be from a construction project at the building, maybe even from years ago. That could be why they are the same type of nails.

If it was me, I would complain again the minute the loud music starts. Assuming it is after 10PM on weekdays and 11PM weekends. ( That is my city ordinance, yours might be different)

cire perdue

Music that loud is obviously against the rules. However people think rules don't apply to them. I was just in the hospital again and there was a 5 minute phone limit. There were 3 or 4 people who abused it horribly when there are only small windows of opportunity to use the phone in addition to the limit on it. I started asking people to get off the phone after I had timed them for 10 minutes and I was not nice in tone. There were some shaky days after that, but it got better and I ended up friends with the girl who I had the spat with. It made it better for everyone. There were black people or shy people who would NOT ask others to get off the phone. I was scrupulous about how long I stayed on the phone.

I know you have probably tried, but I think the other neighbors around him should be asked to confirm the problem, so that then it is not just coming from you. The nail thing is terrible. I think you should continue to complain. There is nothing you can do about what he may do to get back, but if he has done this to others, then I would say continue to stay on the management. I would no longer interact with him at all. Explain how bad it is and how you use earplugs during the day.

arthra

Rani,

You have the patience of a saint is all I can say..

My disabled son had a neighbor who used to riv up his car at all hours ..also he some hydraulic lifts he would generate at all hours..

So one night after about ten o'clock my son called me about it.. He had already complained to the landlady and nothing much happened.

There is a noise ordinance in our city and so I gave my son the number for reporting it. Within about ten minutes or so..the Police arived and gave this person a talking to...

The noise stopped awhile... then it started again, eventually someone broke his car windows and he moved his car to his mother's house some blocks away..Eventually he was arrested for possession of a fire arm and he was a excon.

The way things go nowadays.. I wouldn't bother personally approaching anyone about it as they can take their retribution out on you in some form or other.

If there's a noise ordinance in your city I would go ahead and report it. In the case of my son .. They said they would not use his personal name on the report.

Rani

Thank you all for your inputs and concern.

Oh, I forgot to say that last week I could feel the strong vibration of the music through the chair I was sitting on! And some weeks back I could feel its vibration through my kitchen benches and cupboards, so yes, that is absolutely too loud.

Thankfully I was told via my housing manager that a person can call the police because of disruptive music noise at any time of the day or evening. - It is not restricted to certain hours where I live, so that is good to know.

The music has softened a bit lately so that is a good thing. Unfortunately, I do think it's suspicious that I've had two flats within 3 or 4 months when I'm a light user of my car. I think all I can do is pray a fair bit for resolution, protection, and peace, and more harmony where I live. And perhaps I will get some advice from the police and my unit manager. I think at the moment, a visit from the police might rile him even more, so advice might suffice for now.

Thanks again.!

armin

Apart from what everyone has said, and depending on your relation with your neighbor, which obviously is not a friendly one but you know how things are and whether something like what I'm about to suggest would work, if no solution comes about, maybe you can approach him again in a friendly solution finding manner. My own neighbor living one level down has his TV on all night pretty loud. It's not as bad as loud music I'm sure but it is bothersome.

Anyway, I myself listen to loud music all the time, while studying or doing other things, but through my headphones! I ended up buying a quality wireless headphone and it's been quite good for my needs. Of course it depends on lots of things, how that person wants to listen to music and whether he's alone when he does etc. In your situation, if applicable, I'd buy him a wireless headset as a gift, and really show that I care about him and his space as well. I guess it would show that you're trying to find a solution that works for both of you and if you win his heart, and that's a big if I know, then I'm sure he would be more willing to work with you. At the very least he could use them at nights.

This idea just crossed my mind after reading your post so I shared it. I know it may not be applicable to your specific situation at all.

Rani

Thanks Armin, however, another neighbour who we both talk to has already suggested headphones to him, and he apparently refused the idea.

We were on friendly terms for those several years, but when my many attempts to appeal to him in a rational and friendly way were met with disagreement, and I think an unwillingness to see that I might have valid needs (for peace and quiet), that's when I felt like hanging up the phone on him, and things went downhill then.

I might have been able to handle it better, but when you feel that someone is not having enough regard for you or your needs over a period of time, it's difficult to know how to deal with it.

cire perdue

I don't think it is fair to expect one's self to handle all situations and all people all the time. I think management should be involved. I would tell multiple people to watch out for the vehicles. I wonder if recording the noise from your apt would help?