|07-19-2012, 03:56 PM||#1|
Joined: Sep 2010
Crisis of faith, not Faith
I have been through a crisis of faith where I was defiant toward God and resistent to His will. I am a little better, but find myself angry with God that my life has turned out as it has which means I have used God as a fairy Godfather who would fix my consequences. I have gotten my consequences and though I know this, it is still an issue I must work through. I know God has not done this, so therefore I hate myself. I find that I have not changed as much as I probably could or should have as a Baha'i over 40 years. It is so easy to fool one's self. I am fighting depression over this, but it is more difficult because I am going through resentment of myself and God. It is ironic that I have no doubt about who Baha'u'llah is, and I know I am wrong. I fear I have reached the "...irretrievable despondency..." mentioned in Gleanings. I have taken so much for granted.
|07-19-2012, 09:24 PM||#2|
Joined: Nov 2010
yes, life is hard sometimes.
but dont worry so much, life is short and precious.
take it easy sometimes, and look at the beauty and the oneness that surrounds you.
|07-20-2012, 05:27 AM||#3|
Joined: Sep 2010
From: United Kingdom
I am so happy to see you again. You have had us all worried sick for your welfare!
Please send me an email. Its been so long since we have conversed properly.
God Bless and much love xx
|07-20-2012, 09:09 AM||#4|
Joined: Aug 2010
From: Leiden, the Netherlands
Good to see you. to see you - nice!
Be thou not sad, neither be thou unhappy; although the divine tests are violent, yet are they conducive to the life of the soul and the heart. The more often the pure gold is thrown into the furnace of test, the greater will become its purity and brilliancy and it will acquire a new splendor and brightness. I hope that thou art thyself in such a position.
(Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v2, p. 302)
|07-20-2012, 01:02 PM||#5|
Joined: Jun 2006
Good to see you post again...! Sometimes Cire we minimize the good we do... and in forty years as a Baha'i I owuld wager you've done your share of good things!
My other thought is that sometimes when we're depressed we need to find something we can focus our energies on... this will hopefully convert the negative energies into a more positive direction. A study on "energies" might be of interest...
Beseech ye the one true God to grant that ye may taste the savor of such deeds as are performed in His path, and partake of the sweetness of such humility and submissiveness as are shown for His sake. Forget your own selves, and turn your eyes towards your neighbor. Bend your energies to whatever may foster the education of men.
(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 9)
These energies with which the Day Star of Divine bounty and Source of heavenly guidance hath endowed the reality of man lie, however, latent within 66 him, even as the flame is hidden within the candle and the rays of light are potentially present in the lamp.
(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 65)
Be ablaze as the fire, that ye may burn away the veils of heedlessness 323 and set aglow, through the quickening energies of the love of God, the chilled and wayward heart. Be light and untrammeled as the breeze, that ye may obtain admittance into the precincts of My court, My inviolable Sanctuary.
(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 322)
|07-20-2012, 11:43 PM||#7|
Joined: May 2011
You are who you are and no one and nothing can change that.
God knows your heart and I think that is the most important thing.
Above all you have the right and obligation to be Happy. Faith should never bring you down, but always be uplifting.
Roll not up, O my Lord, what hath been spread out in Thy name, and extinguish not the lamp which Thine own fire hath lit. Withhold not, O my Lord, the water that is life indeed from running down—the water from whose murmuring the wondrous melodies which extol and glorify Thee can be heard. Deny not, moreover, Thy servants the sweet fragrance of the breath which hath been wafted through Thy love.
|07-21-2012, 05:20 AM||#8|
Joined: Sep 2010
I find that a review of my life shows that I have compromised more than I thought, that I have not changed enough to be considered a Baha'i. HOWEVER perhaps this is a place to start.
|07-31-2012, 09:27 PM||#9|
Joined: May 2011
Welcome back CP and I hope you're feeling at least a bit better.
I'm agreeing with Nuck, and maybe some others here: Religion and Faith should be a bringer of joy, grace and happiness, and should not result in all this self-flagellation!
-My perspective at least.
I also don't believe that everything bad that happens is a result of wrong-doing on our parts, and I think when we read the Writings it says that tests and trials are an indispensable part of human existence, and that without some a man cannot reach perfection. Opting to berate yourself for all misfortune surely only brings on depression.
I prefer to treat myself with kindness and understanding when it comes to understanding why certain things may have happened. If we don't treat ourselves with kindness there may be no-one else who will!
Please also avoid the trap of comparing yourself with others regarding what they may have or their standing in society.
God may not cause everything, but He allows things. He allows children to suffer abuse that can have profound long-term effects, or for people to be born with severe physical or intellectual handicaps. Life wasn't meant to be easy, and all these imperfections of this mortal world are meant to turn us collectively toward God.
Be thankful that you have recognised Baha'u'llah and you are one of His loved ones.
Please focus more on His mercy and loving-kindness and protection.
'We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!, but also with our own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets of God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!'
(Shoghi Effendi, The Unfolding Destiny of the British Baha'i Community, p. 456)
|08-02-2012, 03:21 PM||#10|
Joined: Sep 2010
From: Tropical North Queensland Australia
So I have the same crisis within myelf as you have, I wonder why we have made it so hard when the path has ben made so clear? We have had many years to figure this out?
All I know at this time is that I need to try to live the life more and more, be as Abdul'Baha Was...each time I contemplate thislife pops uip and more and more excuses are put into play as to why this & that can not be done.
Boy do we need help?
Hope all works out with your decisions.
P/S I had an amazind dream re life the other day - The more we read the wrtings & pray the more the spiritusl worls opens up before us.