Itena

I'm just a young woman getting into the twentieth decade of her life. I've been a Baha'i all my life, and have always loved the Faith, but in the recent year or two I've become inactive due to my own weaknesses and as a result of some hard mental tests that I've been given. I've been in a rather sorrowful and ashamed state; but recently I've come out of the blue clouds and have been trying to pick myself up with a fair bit of success, I think.

A few days ago I decided that now I have regained a small confidence in my own happiness, I thought that the next step would be to re-read the writings and get back into the community and push back the doubts and fears that which this society has blown over me; and though I have a history of deciding things and then not going through with them, I was able to go through with this plan, and am currently re-reading the writings and delving into it all. Joining this forum is all a part of this process, and also to become active, in however small a way, in the community. Oh, and to practice the courage to share my thoughts and perspectives and accept the vulnerabilities that come along with that sort of thing. A thing that has helped me immensely is this realization that vulnerability is not a bad thing, but a necessary thing in a fulfilling life.

I also happen to be an artist, and so I've been wanting to rejuvenating my works in the same way. I hope you all may enjoy my humble work that I may share in the future, as well.

Most importantly though, I come to join with everyone in love and unity and hope as we all learn and grow together. I love you all very much, my dear friends.

Though I don't know if you would have any questions, if you do, you may ask and I can see if I can answer.

tonyfish58

Welcome Itena -Unity is a wonderful thing and may we soon acheive it

Faith is a journey and it is easy to pull over and have a break from it if we are not careful

I think we have all been there, hopefully God will bless us all with strong Faith and Commitment to the Journey

Regards Tony

Rani

Welcome Itena!!

I very much hope you enjoy your time here. Thank you for bringing your bright and affectionate demeanor to the forum.
But hey, your 20th decade.?! Wouldn't that make you almost 200 sprightly yrs of age? ;-
Still, I'm sure we know what you mean.
Again, Welcome!

Noexalt

Itena,

Hmm, what makes you think you are weak? I'm sensitive to this, because in my experience when appearances are removed, even the seemingly most secure Baha'is have some stories to tell. I've heard a lot of quite jaw dropping things from ones even in the "upper strata" of the Baha'i community.

I encourage you on your journey, when you come out of the other side, it will be a big WOW.

Itena

Thank you very much Tony.

Ahahaha, oops! I did indeed mean second decade. Where did my brain go? Hahaha.

Thanks for asking Noexalt!
I wouldn't say I would consider myself as "weak" in general, but rather that I have weaknesses in certain areas, as anyone else. Largely in terms of my general emotional sensitivities and anxieties(which have been with me my whole life), my growing fears of sharing my own beliefs in a world where many colleagues of my age consider a belief in God to be a sign of stupidity, a general lack of self-confidence, and a pretty lethargic and comfort seeking nature that makes mistakes and keeps repeating them.
And those aforementioned tests and difficulties certainly brought my self-esteem down and my general happiness to a low level. I had been in the middle of the last semester of my college program, and had lost motivation to even do work there, and this was a program about something that I truly had passion for. Which of course, led to unemployment issues that played to my anxieties and further dropped me down to a lower point of depression. Now though, I have gained work, and I think that has helped in me picking myself off from the floor.
And thank you for your encouragements, Noexalt, I am sure that will be the case. I hope my answer was not too convoluted and lengthy.

Noexalt

There is a meme going around, that I think you might like.. "Before you diagnose yourself with low self-esteem or depression, first make sure that you are not just surrounded by a**holes".

Sometimes, it REALLY is everybody else and their issues, not ours.

Itena

Yes, I have read that meme before, ahaha. Certainly, I think some of the problems I had was not due to my own faults. Indeed, I could say that my grief has been in part due to a broken heart.

Noexalt

Been there!

Itena

Indeed, this world is filled with broken hearts. For me, it was due to losing a friend because of her rejection of my beliefs. It was something that played to my fears of sharing the faith and had crippled me for a long time.

Nonetheless, I am ready to heal. Thank you so much for your sympathies, dear Noexalt. I am sorry that you also had a broken heart!

Anis

Hello Itena,

Special welcome.

My prayer for you is that your spiritual faculties and aspirations may daily increase.

Itena

Oh, Anis, thank you so much for your prayers! I am so very grateful. Much love to you, my dear friend.

BruceDLimber

In fact, given that she said she's just now getting into it, that would make her 190 years old, not 200!

(by overlooking the 0-to-9 decade, you have committed what's known as a "fencepost error" (aka "off by one")--so named due to a common mistake made when determining the exact number of posts needed to build a fence of a given length with rails of a specified length.)

Cheers, :-)

Bruce

BruceDLimber

Welcome to the neighborhood, Itena!; it's wonderful to have you with us. :-)

Bruce

Itena

Hahaha, indeed I am 190 it seems!

Thank you for the fun and warm welcome, Bruce.

Rani

Oh, yes, I did realise that, and that is why I said 'almost' 200 yrs of age.

And if she is 20 then she will be starting her 3rd decade now..
Regards..

Truthseeker96

Hi, glad to have you on the forum and hey everyone goes through tough times and its true strength to stand back up and put things back together. Also did you draw your profile picture?

Itena

Thanks Truthseeker! And that's right, I did draw that birdy myself.

BruceDLimber

Aha!

We have an artiste among us! :-)


Bruce

Itena

Heheh. Be sure to stay tuned for any future works of mine. I've been thinking recently about singing as well, recently. Not professionally, but I have a microphone and people have said that my voice is good, and I thought why not record some chanting of the writings every once in a while?

dwlehning

Hello Itena,

I have been there several times since my declaration back in 1983. In some Christian circles, it is called the "dark night of the soul", and it can indeed seem as though one is weak and one's faith in God and His love is tested. But in the end, we come to realize that God has been there all the time.

Welcome to this community and my you be blessed by His love.

Itena

Thank you, dear dwlehning.

tonyfish58

Sounds like my journey since my declaration also back in 1983 A rocky road that is for sure,

Regards Tony

Anthony27

I think mostly the person lose their job due to depression and lack of confidence so you must have a strong grip on that.Because in the competitive market you must have self confidence to face the problem that are hurdles in your career.

mytmouse57

Itena,

Glad you're here. Don't knock yourself over issues of backsliding, or unemployment. I too, strayed sharply from the Faith for a number of years, and also just a few years ago went through a significant job loss.

One thing to bear in mind, beating yourself up over any of it won't do you, your loved ones, your community or humanity any good. I had to remind myself of those things when I was in the dumps, and tempted to start regarding myself as worthless.

Of course, vain ego and empty self-congradulation is to be avoided, but there is nothing wrong with genuine love of self, and healthy self esteem.

The way I see it -- when I do make a mistake or fall into sin, the sooner I can forgive myself, the sooner I can get back on track and better serve God, my family, my community and humanity.

BlinkeyBill

A loving welcome to you Itena.

We are all weak vessels of God, be happy.

"As thou hast realized thy own shortcomings, rest thou assured that thou art firm in the Covenant and Testament, and in the love of the True One art steadfast and growing."
--‘Abdu’l-Bahá, from a Tablet in Star of the West