shathaway

How does one pursue loving moral discipline instead of using threats, abuse, and treachery to encourage family unity?

If family members have problems that are abhorrent to society and the well being of the family, how can we encourage our family members to avoid such attitudes that cause grief, frustration, and bad feelings?

We do not want our family members to go afoul of the law, or to be incarcerated as criminals. How do we help our members to steer clear of such bad influences and to give them strength to overcome such unhealthy desires?

Sincerely,
Steven J. Hathaway

arthra

The Art of Consultation is the best thing to cultivate in the family. Daniel Jordan had an entire program built around this and it is available as the Comprehensive Deepening Program which is still in print and can be ordered from Special Ideas. This was a widely used program from the seventies.

Anyway... what I found was useful is having an open family consultation weekly where all family members gather and each has an opportunity to express themselves and share concerns. Also they can each share something they wish with the rest of the family like a favorite piece of music, artwork or accomplishment they made in the past week.

Everyone should follow guidlines of consultation:

This is the procedure for Bahá'í consultation:

establish the full facts;

decide on the principles to be applied;

discuss the matter;

make a decision.

Each of these steps is preceded by prayer, both to invoke the help of God and to remind those consulting of what their attitude should be. If problems arise during the consultation, prayers are said to resolve the difficulties.

"True consultation is spiritual conference in the attitude and atmosphere of love."

Source:

http://bahai-library.com/introductor...k/consult.html

When the family member is close to or borders on criminal activity I would suggest consultation with the Assembly or utilizing a Counseling Service perhaps.

- Art

shathaway

Developing the art of consultation with prayer appears to be the key to solving these problems.

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Here is the reason for my original posting.

I have friends that are custodians of the Youth Corrections
Agencies in Oregon. They always see troubled youth who come
from abusive homes. It would be good to be able to keep
these youth at home, but the home situations cause further
unrest.

These troubled youth find themselves in criminal gangs for
their own personal recognition, because they are not
recognized as having any importance at home.

Some of the youth come from "religious" families. The father
may even be a minister. They dictate from the Bible but
appear incapable of communicating and showing a loving respect
for their children. They are often harping at the children,
accusing them of being obnoxious miscreants without giving
respectful and loving guidance. The parents are often blind
to the abuses their children receive from others in public
schools. Parents are not listening to the problems of their
children. These parents wonder why their blatant corrective
actions and outrages are not working to educate their
children about the consequences of bad behavior, but
instead encourage the bad behaviors.

Sincerely,
Steven J. Hathaway

arthra

Yeh... I can relate to what you're saying...

Children to become adults pass through a rebellion stage especially if their parents are too strict or maybe religious to the extreme and lose it now and then..

The kids pick exactly the very thing that will set the parents off... typically antisocial behaviour, exposing themselves to some more risky kinds of behaviour..maybe alcohol, drug abuse, sexually acting out and so on...

Parents will frequently be in denial as to their own culpability and will point only at the perceived misbehaviour of the children. thus a battle of wills and threats ensue...bad place to be.

Treat the children more like adults and be sure they understand the real life consequences of their actions... help them to be more adult and find themselves.

- Art