Prodaytrader

My sister and I have a very disfunctional relationship. She has this uncanny ability to suck me into drama that she creates for one reason or another. After nearly 40 years not much has changed. After our latest episode I started to evaluate whether or not I want her to be in my life any longer. She never appologizes nor takes ownership for her part in these issues which bothers me more and more. I find myself always needing to be the one who forgives her behavior and 'moving on'. I have little respect for her, her choices, her value system nor the way she treats me. Now I fully get that as a Bahai we are expected to rise above such things but if someone is unwilling to change their hurtfull behavior, how much is to be expected of me? If she were a thief lets say that stole from me every chance she could, at one point would I feel justified for wanting to terminate the relationship? Surely the title of sibling only goes so far.

Quotes from the writings would be appreciated

LordOfGoblins

I have had similar problems with females in my family.
To be honest, you owe noone nothing. Just use your time how you like and dont let people suck the life from you.
You dont need to hang around with them at all...

tonyfish58

It is not easy - But with these things in life Baha'u'llah gave us Abdul'baha as a perfect example.

Abdul'baha had to put up with this from relatives that broke the covenant of Baha'u'llah

He wrote in - The Will And Testament of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

He Is the Witness, the All-Sufficing
O MY GOD! my Beloved, my heart’s Desire! Thou knowest, Thou seest that which hath befallen this servant of Thine, that hath humbled himself at Thy Door, and Thou knowest the sins committed against him by the people of malice, they that have broken Thy Covenant and turned their backs on Thy Testament. In the day-time they afflicted me with the arrows of hate and in the night-season they privily conspired to hurt me. At dawn they committed that which the Celestial Concourse did lament and at eventide they unsheathed against me the sword of tyranny and hurled in the presence of the ungodly their darts of calumny upon me. Notwithstanding their misdeeds, this lowly servant of Thine was patient and did endure every affliction and trial at their hands, though by Thy power and might he could have destroyed their words, quenched their fire and stayed the flame of their rebelliousness.
Thou seest, O my God! how my long-suffering, my forbearance and silence have increased their cruelty, their arrogance and their pride. By Thy Glory, O Beloved One! They have misbelieved in Thee and rebelled against Thee in such wise that they left me not a moment of rest and quiet, that I might arise as it is meet and seemly, to exalt Thy Word amidst mankind, and might serve at Thy Threshold of Holiness with a heart that overfloweth with the joy of the dwellers of the Abhá Kingdom.
Lord! My cup of woe runneth over, and from all sides blows are fiercely raging upon me. The darts of affliction have compassed me round and the arrows of distress have rained upon me. Thus tribulation overwhelmed me and my strength, because of the onslaught of the foemen, became weakness within me, while I stood alone and forsaken in the midst of my woes. Lord! Have mercy upon me, lift me up unto Thyself and make me to drink from the Chalice of Martyrdom, for the wide world with all its vastness can no longer contain me.
Thou art, verily, the Merciful, the Compassionate, the Gracious, the All-Bountiful

Link to remainder - it is worth a read - Bahá'í Reference Library - The Will And Testament of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Pages 23-26

Regards Tony

Rani

Someone posted this quote on another thread recently (was it Arthra?) Anyway, I find it pertinent.:

"Deep as are family ties, we must always remember that the spiritual ties are far deeper; they are everlasting and survive death, whereas physical ties, unless supported by spiritual bonds, are confined to this life. You should do all in your power, through prayer and example, to open the eyes of your family to the Bahá'í Faith, but do not grieve too much over their actions. Turn to your Bahá'í brothers and sisters who are living with you in the light of the Kingdom.

(From letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, May 8, 1942)

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 218)

I would say, continue to be courteous and kind to your sister and have and show love; however, if the association is hurting you a bit, maybe just keep a bit more distance than you've had of late. Keep in touch and be a good influence, but not as often for a while(?) What do you think?

It is important for us to have joy in our lives, so maybe just spend more time with those with whom you feel that joy. Be kind to others and to yourself. If that means you need to protect yourself for a while so be it, but I think we should make efforts to keep our bonds loving..whether it be with our family or friends.

It behoveth the loved ones of the Lord to be the signs and tokens of His universal mercy and the embodiments of His own excelling grace. Like the sun, let them cast their rays upon garden and rubbish heap alike, and even as clouds in spring, let them shed down their rain upon flower and thorn. Let them seek but love and faithfulness, let them not follow the ways of unkindness... Such are the attributes of the righteous, such is the distinguishing mark of those who serve His Threshold.
(Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 257)

cire perdue

When my mother died my sister and I were not speaking which was my choice. Our parents were alcoholics. My mother favored me and was very abusive to my sister. By going to AL Anon steadily, at least once a week usually twice, that relationship has turned around. We have boundaries with each other. I feel her faith as a Catholic and mine as a Baha'i have helped immensely. It has helped me know what love is to be loved by her. She has helped pull me up! Al Anon meetings have been a miracle.

I used to take ritalin, but now I know I needed to learn things and that medication would not do those things. I need to be responsible for my feelings and happiness and they are not dependent on what anyone else does. I need to take care of myself, and focus on me. I have learned to love myself and understand myself. It is the best thing that I have ever done was to put the time in it takes to learn emotional skills. I highly advise it!

LordOfGoblins

That is interesting you found those meetings saved you. I fell into a depression at s point some years ago and also went to those group meetings. I found the information useful but then more tests came and I forgot what I knew and it basically got thrown out the window. So each to their own I guess. We are supposed to see skill doctors in times of sickness, so it is supported in the writings..

cire perdue

The trick is not to quit going. I had done that in the past. By going steadily since '04, usually 2 x a week, I have gained more than I ever thought possible. It puts abilities to grow in one's own hands.