Chastity in the process of getting to know someone for marriage

Oct 2015
1
Sweden
#1
Hi,

Are there any clear directions on what to do and what not to do while in the process of getting to know someone for marriage? There are obvious things such as no sex, no kissing and no touching in a sexual manner, but there are other things that aren't as clear and can depend on personal and cultural interpretation. For example, what about calling each other things like "dear, honey, baby", saying "I love you", saying the other looks good, holding hands, holding one's arm around the other's shoulders?
 
Oct 2014
1,797
Stockholm
#3
And then there are things like personal preferences, the cultural setting and whatever. :)

And: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! :)

gnat

P. S. And yet more love!

P. P. S. And yet more love. And all those texts are there in order to make us lead a good life, like a scaffolding, not in order to make us constantly fear that we do something wrong.

P. P. P. S. And concerning calling each other things like "dear, honey, baby", saying "I love you", saying the other looks good, holding hands, holding one's arm around the other's shoulders, I'd say that that isn't necessarily restricted to one's future spouse. My little children are my kittens - to such extent that people turn their heads I when call for them in the street: "Darlings", "kittens", "sweet snouts", etc. :)

P. P. P. P. S. I forgot "piglets", "mice", "darling spiders" and "earthworms". :)

P. P. P. P. P. S. And on a more serious note, I'd say that showing little signs of affection in various manners to all kinds of people, especially those close to you, and making a habit out of it, is one way to reduce the tension involved in one's realtions to the other sex before one is married. If one believes that such things are restricted to one's spouse, one risks building up a serious craving for tenderness that could have harmful effects. So, my advice is to give little compliments, touch in a friendly manner, use pet names on many occasions, to many people. Warm, physical touches reduce tension and build up healthy affection. Quite often, I've felt that we Bahá'ís are not physical enough, that our affection too often is expressed in words only. And then we have food: treating people you like to good food is a good thing too.
 
Last edited:
Nov 2017
3
Europe
#6
this post needs further attention and I have already posted my personal experience on reddit about oral sex. Trying to water down the writings with regards to the laws of chastity will not help anyone. If people think that Baha'is are a bunch of stuck up people when it comes to relationships, then let them be because we should know better that these laws are there for a reason. Of course showing some form of affection is needed to reduce the tension but if the other person is easily turned on and wants one act of affection to lead to another, then it is up to you to draw the line whether the person is a Baha'i or not. To the Baha'is out there reading this, you have to be aware that every action you make is being watched by others and if new Baha'is choose to follow the teachings of Baha'u'llah but are exposed to Baha'is who are not adhering to the laws of chastity, then we are not doing our duty to build a new world order and allowing the Faith to be misrepresented.
 

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