consent for marriage-I can't have it! :(

Aug 2014
Texas, USA
Oh sweet heart. You've let your heart cloud your mind. It may be you wish to marry this man because you want to escape. It may not necessarily be that you're in love. When I was young, I fell in love with a guy that wasn't very good to me and nothing could convince me otherwise. It took some very hard lessons to learn from that. Too many very dysfunctional co-dependent relationships that weren't good for me.

I suggest trying to do a Study Abroad program to get out of the country. Maybe that's what you need is to get away. You might could get your parents to consent to that. If you manage to find one where this man is, I suggest you take your time getting to know him. You are young and you have many years in front of you to find love. But remember to identify love from lust. Never marry out of lust and be honest with yourself about what you are really feeling. Don't feel you need to be in a hurry to find love. It is never necessary. You must fulfill yourself before you can fulfill anyone else. If you don't, you will dearly regret it later on. Trust me on that one.
Aug 2014
Blue Planet
Oh sweet heart. You've let your heart cloud your mind. It may be you wish to marry this man because you want to escape..
Dear friend, thank you for reading my present problem and trying to treat it logically. but dear friend, my love for that man, is not for escaping my country, not even a bit. I can even live with him, right where i am now. I don't care where I am going to live, cuz it is not the "geographical place" which makes us feel lucky, but I am happy and lucky wherever I can live with my beloved even if that is in the heart of a desert or a faraway village with no facilities; I am even happy to live with him in a country worse than the one I am already living in. I have considered and analyzed my feelings for many months there is not the smallest desire to "escape". I had experiences of being in love but none has ever been like this. so it reminds me of a line of a poem by Rumi:
I am shamed to call this love human/yet afraid of God to call it divine

thank you again for taking your time and reading what I have written. may the power and Merci of God be always with you.
Aug 2014
Blue Planet
Good morning dear sister, Maryamr

One day I would like to tell you a little my story, not as a means of saying yours is or will be the same, but as an encouragement in your own pursuit ...
Oh dear Romane, my dear friend, your kind words made my day. I feel lucky and happy to be able to read your wise, lovely and beautiful words at the begining of my dey and how beautiful you have said "Know that age should be no barrier to love, for age is merely because of a blob of dirt and water spinning around a great shining ball of fire. In the Abha Kingdom, there is no age as we know it."
I am really thankful to God because of knowing this forum and getting to know a dear sister like you. thanks a million :) (and I would love to know your story) :)
Oct 2013
Glenwood, Queensland, Australia
Sister and friend, Maryamr

...I am happy and lucky wherever I can live with my beloved even if that is in the heart of a desert or a faraway village with no facilities; I am even happy to live with him in a country worse than the one I am already living in. ...
I will say to you - be very careful what you wish for (Romane laughing). When I was first married, my wife (yes, I am male, but am often mistaken for female in non face-to-face or voice-to-voice communication. More further down) said to me that she would live anywhere with me, even in a shed :) That was back in very early 1981 (Gregorian)

In 2010 we had the year from absolute hell, and needing a change of environment, ended up purchasing a couple of acres (about 8,000 square metres) in the country. Guess what !! We spent about 14 months living in a shed (hehehehehe), first while travelling back and forth between our old home and new, but then full-time while our house here was being built. We were happy then, and are happy still in our new home.

As for mistaking my gender - please feel no need for apology or in any way feeling bad - one or both of those is the usual reaction. You have not offended me, but rather recognised, because they are in you, qualities and attributes. It is our qualities and attributes which are important, to ourself, to our families, to our friends and to everyone else we meet. We are all, each of us, mirrors to each other.

Gender is in this world only - the world of the spirit has no gender, and our conversation is in that world, no matter that we still need words to communicate in this one, to discuss circumstances in this world.

With my warmest greetings

Oct 2013
Glenwood, Queensland, Australia
Dear friend who seeks her hearts desire

... (and I would love to know your story) :)
There are similarities, but also differences. I know and understand how you feel for a man who is older than you in earth years. This place I have entered, and once entered, never left.

First, I will say that there is a difference between falling in love, and loving. If one falls into something, then one can fall or climb out again. While if one loves, then love does not end, for love is love without ending. This should help you understand certain things which had been puzzling you. And with increased understanding comes increased compassion, and with increased compassion one gives of their love, unendingly.

A woman very much older than me. I was in my late teens, she was ... :) This places us in the very late 1960's. We became lovers also, as well as loving each other.

After writing these words above, I stopped in memory for a while. Thank you for your patience, and for waiting for me to return from my reverie.

She was also my first teacher in the path of mysticism. Through her I met others, and between them they all contributed, in their own fields, to my education. Some were Magicians, some Cabalists, some Wicca, some Warlocks, some simple Mystics. She also introduced me to her circle of friends. We were accepted together by all when we were together. And yet, such was our love that it held when my youthful feet took me away for periods of time.

Had we chosen to get married, her parents and mine would have happily approved. Her parents were wonderful people and gladly accepted me, and my own parents accepted her joyfully. But there was a problem - she was already married, albeit separated. She and her husband were still friendly, so I got to meet him, and we became good friends also.

Then circumstances arose which drew us physically apart. It was a choice neither of us wanted, and there was quite an amount of sorrow shared. But, our love never died, never faded.

Still to this day, our love lives, for love itself does not end. I think that she has since passed to the Abha Kingdom, for there are times when I feel her breath on my cheek, and her hand gently on my shoulder, while her face springs unbidden to sight and mind.

HOW sweet her name
Rings in my ears,
Sweet bells put to shame
By that melody so clear
In the air
In my ear
Rings that sound, O so clear
Yet again.

In looking at my life from that time to this, I can see clearly the hand of God directing matters. In the separating of my first true love in this material world. In meeting my now-wife only a few short years later. And in many other events and happenings.

I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes. You will see it scattered here and there in various posts, but given again for your own comfort during this difficult moment in your own life. It is the first sentence of the Kitab-i-Ahd:

ALTHOUGH the Realm of Glory hath none of the vanities of the world, yet within the treasury of trust and resignation We have bequeathed to Our heirs an excellent and priceless heritage.
With warmest of greetings

Aug 2014
Blue Planet
Dear friend who seeks her hearts desire...
thank you dear Brother (I shall call you from now on a brother! :) ) for your wise advice "be very careful with what you wish for" :D when I said I can even live in a desert or a far away village with the man I love I mostly meant that materials are not SO important to me (to some very little extent they are). but when people know which country I am living in, and then they know which country my beloved is living in, they usually think that in the background of my mind there is the need and wish to live in a more comfortable place, in a modern society while it has not been so with me. but I take your advice :)

your story was so touching and so beautiful that it made me cry (these months I guess I cry too often and too easily!). such a loving woman she should have been and I am happy that you have found another lovely person. thank you for sharing that with me and that beautiful poem, all the beautiful images in your story...I wish for you and your wife eternal bless and happiness...
Oct 2014
Dear maryamr,
Thank you so much for sharing this. This is the real thing - the kind of experiences we have to deal with, striving to do "the right thing", so lost among the different options available. I definitely feel that I shouldn't offer any kind of advice, because there are no "quick fixes" here. The only thing I can say is that you seem to be someone who doesn't just follow the paths laid out by others. Instead, you have the courage to listen to your own heart. It makes you grow as a person, it helps you come closer to your true self. But it doesn't make life any easier.



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