Dating / Courtship

Jul 2017
78
Denver, CO
#21
Clearly, emotional attachment has developed between you two. You have spent much time together in the early stages of your relationship, and there has been some degree of physical affection.

He is not wrong to seek detachment and to want to get to know more people.

It would not be just for him to expect you not to get to know anyone else. However, consider the difference between getting to know other people and becoming affectionate with them as you have with him. Perhaps he hopes that you will strive to maintain a similar state of detachment. This would be a positive thing for you, and he should not be faulted for it. Indeed, we have been divinely advised not to do anything more than hold hands until just before marriage, as Rani pointed out.
 
Oct 2014
1,797
Stockholm
#22
He says he wants to "get to know others characters too." At the same time he tells me he is interested in getting to know me to decide if I am the one he wants to marry. He also tells me he prefers if I don't see anyone else because he'll be jealous.
Is this guy serious about what he's saying? There is something lacking in his logic. Maybe a wee bit of self-criticism. He seems to give himself the right to shop around, whereas you are supposed to wait for him.

Think about that for a while. Draw your own conclusions.

Best,

from

gnat
 
Jul 2017
65
Germany
#23
Indeed, we have been divinely advised not to do anything more than hold hands until just before marriage, as Rani pointed out.
Rani did not say this. He pointed out that the House of Justice commented on a - non-authoritative - pilgrim's note by stating that it contains the "very spirit on the teachings on chastity". That does not say that it should be taken literally. There are different cultures around the world who define "affection" between partners differently. Some never kiss, even inside marriage and inside their own house. Some show affection through hugging and kissing in public without finding anything obscene about it. I don't do either. Of course some kinds of kissing or "hugging" clearly overstep the boundaries. Sometimes I meet couples passionately french kissing while simultaneously grabbing the other's crotch. That is clearly not included within the Bahá'í standard of chastity - but other forms may be seen in the light of different cultural mores.
 

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