Feeling myself slip

Sep 2017
370
Earth
#1
The two selves within me are at war, who will win I know not. Unless I fully renunciate the world I can’t attain the dewdrop of faith, and if I try to take both in balance again I fall. It’s all or nothing ‘I spit you out for your neither hot or cold’ What a great battle this is in my soul, and my friend is also going through this battle within his soul and he is not even a Bahá’í.

I have felt myself slip lately, as for some reason my mind was able to convince itself that the activities it was doing was based on the writings when it just was not, I view the lives of other Bahá’í and justify my own, but the life of Abdul Baha was the complete opposite. Abdul Baha is the examplar.

I feel a great relief when I let go of the bodies desires, I feel free, then the self comes whispering again. May God help all on the journey to self discovery.
 
Sep 2010
4,519
Normanton Far North Queensland
#2
It is indeed a journey of turmoil Yousefy2, a journey we are all on.

Turmoil is progress and shows movement. I see it like a king tide rushing in, ebbing and rushing out, or the waves on the shore in a storm.

Nature mirrors what is in us and I guess we are always searching for a nice pleasant sunny day, but we know we cannot control the weather.

All the best, Regards Tony
 
Aug 2014
1,369
Blue Planet
#3
Dear Yousefy

It is the greatest journey and the biggest battle everyone must take part in; everyone does. In Islamic scripture (and I guess the Baha'i ones) it is called as Jahadi Akbar, that means the Great War. It is very difficult, being in that kind of war everyday. But Abdul Baha reminds us of the greatest solution ever; "We cannot fight with darkness, it will only strengthen it. the only thing we must do is to turn towards light and the darkness disappears because darkness is only the non existence of light"
so, do not be hard on yourself; pray everyday for more inward light, and go on. Accept your shortcomings and just keep in your mind that you have the capacity to be a creature of light. that will happen; has already started, so good luck :)
 
Jul 2017
419
Olympia, WA, USA
#4
The two selves within me are at war, who will win I know not. Unless I fully renunciate the world I can’t attain the dewdrop of faith, and if I try to take both in balance again I fall. It’s all or nothing ‘I spit you out for your neither hot or cold’ What a great battle this is in my soul, and my friend is also going through this battle within his soul and he is not even a Bahá’í.

I have felt myself slip lately, as for some reason my mind was able to convince itself that the activities it was doing was based on the writings when it just was not, I view the lives of other Bahá’í and justify my own, but the life of Abdul Baha was the complete opposite. Abdul Baha is the examplar.

I feel a great relief when I let go of the bodies desires, I feel free, then the self comes whispering again. May God help all on the journey to self discovery.
I cannot balance the world and God very well. It is one or the other. That might sound fanatical but I what do the scriptures say?

Matthew 6:19-21 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Baha’u’llah said something very similar:

“For every one of you his paramount duty is to choose for himself that on which no other may infringe and none usurp from him. Such a thing—and to this the Almighty is My witness—is the love of God, could ye but perceive it.

Build ye for yourselves such houses as the rain and floods can never destroy, which shall protect you from the changes and chances of this life. This is the instruction of Him Whom the world hath wronged and forsaken.”

Everyone is on a different spiritual journey and everyone has a different threshold for what comes in between them and God. Personally, I discovered that I had to give up certain activities because they were not conducive to my spiritual development. It was only after I relinquished them that I read what Baha’u’llah wrote about self and passion and things of the flesh. I then realized I could never go back to engaging in these activities nor did I want to. I had been I had been imprisoned by them and once I was set free I never wanted to go back to that self-made prison. This was just more validation that Baha’u’llah is SO RIGHT about everything He wrote and it is for our own good, not some kind of deprivation.

Only in retrospect did I realize that I never needed what I thought I needed for so long, I just thought I needed it. I am so much happier now. I have so many other more important things to do with my time, things that bring me true joy and has the potential to help others, things that will bestow everlasting lifeupon me but more importantly upon others who have not been as fortunate as me. After all, the Baha’i Faith was given to me as a gift, I did not even search for it. How much I owe God for this that I could never repay!

Most of my life has been so hellish that I cannot even imagine heaven, but I try to act as if it exists. The physical reality is still hell for me except for a few things I love such as animals and nature, but if I keep my mind focused on the spiritual reality, as Abdu’l-Baha said, I can rise above the exigencies of everyday existence.

My passion is trying to help others attain the shores of the Most Great Ocean through recognition of Baha’u’llah. I do not want or need anything for myself except the absolute necessities; food, sleep, shelter, some clothing. Fortunately, my husband is also a Baha’i and he is on the same page. :)

The following passage is in my mind always, as I go through the day:

“CONSIDER how at the time of the appearance of every Revelation, those who open their hearts to the Author of that Revelation recognize the Truth, while the hearts of those who fail to apprehend the Truth are straitened by reason of their shutting themselves out from Him. However, openness of heart is bestowed by God upon both parties alike. God desireth not to straiten the heart of anyone, be it even an ant, how much less the heart of a superior creature, except when he suffereth himself to be wrapt in veils, for God is the Creator of all things.

Wert thou to open the heart of a single soul by helping him to embrace the Cause of Him Whom God shall make manifest, thine inmost being would be filled with the inspirations of that august Name. It devolveth upon you, therefore, to perform this task in the Days of Resurrection, inasmuch as most people are helpless, and wert thou to open their hearts and dispel their doubts, they would gain admittance into the Faith of God. Therefore, manifest thou this attribute to the utmost of thine ability in the days of Him Whom God shall make manifest.For indeed if thou dost open the heart of a person for His sake, better will it be for thee than every virtuous deed; since deeds are secondary to faith in Him and certitude in His Reality. XVII, 15.”
 
Likes: Adrian009
Oct 2014
1,797
Stockholm
#5
And there might come a time, when one doesn't care all that much any longer, happily reconciled with the fact that one is another one of the lost ones, but trying to get as much done instead.

Best,

from someone who has happily settled in the conviction that whatever he does, he remains just a tiny, insignificant

gnat
 
Aug 2018
32
New Zealand
#6
For what’s it worth I like Abdul-Baha’s Words little by little, day by day. Some of us have seen the darkness, but the darkness can help us appreciate the light. Isn’t the plant that’s been pruned well, more likely to bear the choicest fruits?
 

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