I believe that religious laws, regarding sexual behavior in particular, are supremely misunderstood – especially in the United States. We see them as restrictions on our freedom, as intrusions into our personal lives and as barriers to enjoying life to its fullest. After all, why should God care if I have a little fun?
And there is the rub – I don’t think God gives a lick if I have a little fun, I think God even wants me to have a little fun! So why the restrictions, why the caution – especially with regard to Sex?
Here is my take:
One special emphasis in most religions is to do no harm (reference the prevalence of the “Golden Rule”) to others, or to one’s self - but let’s focus on harm to others for now. This emphasis is especially strong in the Baha’i Faith:
“THERE is no paradise, in the estimation of the believers in the Divine Unity, more exalted than to obey God's commandments, and there is no fire in the eyes of those who have known God and His signs, fiercer than to transgress His laws and to oppress another soul, even to the extent of a mustard seed.”
(The Bab, Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 79)
“He hath cherished and will ever cherish the desire that all men may attain His gardens of Paradise with utmost love, that no one should sadden another, not even for a moment…”
(The Bab, Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 86)
“Be vigilant, that ye may not do injustice to anyone, be it to the extent of a grain of mustard seed.”
(Baha'u'llah, The Summons of the Lord of Hosts, p. 179)
“O people of Baha! Ye are the dawning-places of the love of God and the daysprings of His loving-kindness. . . Be not the cause of grief, much less of discord and strife.”
(Baha'u'llah, Tablets of Baha'u'llah, p. 27)
The point is, intimate relations, while physically enjoyable, are very personal, very emotional and very complex. One can even characterize them as “dangerous.” Not in the sense of endangering one physically (although that can be the case), but dangerous to the psychologically – spiritually.
Consider, for instance, that the majority of movies, songs, poems, novels, etc. etc. are about love, and especially lost love; broken hearts. Why. They aren't about broken legs? They aren't about lost shoes? Contemporary art is largely based on the enormous pain and damage that can be done to one emotionally.
Assuming, and I think it can be assumed, that sex is one of the ultimate expressions of love and the ultimate acts of trust and intimacy, it also carries with it the ability to cause some of the ultimate amounts of pain and spiritual/psychological damage: depression, self loathing, suicide...
I digress for a moment...
Regardless of what people say, regardless of one’s insistence that one is only interested in a casual encounter and acceptance of both parties to such an encounter there is NO GUARANTEE that the act will not elicit an emotional response, a “connection,” an attachment. The acts, in and of themselves, because of the degree of intimacy and openness necessary, require trust and some measure of faith in your partner – these are things that are not awarded lightly by the human psyche.
That being said, I submit that it is impossible to know and certainly impossible to guarantee that one can engage in casual sexual relations and not risk doing some emotional harm to one’s self or one’s partner in the endeavor. And we all know that emotional harm can be far more painful, far more life altering and far more enduring than physical harm. Shoot, look how emotional we get just watching someone get their heart broken in a movie! Because we all know how painful it is in real life.
I un-digress...
Marriage is a promise, a contract, an formal agreement between two parties and between those parties and society that, among other things, promises that I (the first party) will do no harm to you (the second party). Our intimacy is sacred to me, our unity is sacred to me, and above all, your trust, is sacred to me. Marriage is the promise to do no harm.
True, this is often NOT what marriage means today – but, IMHO, it is part of what it SHOULD mean.
Therefore, the warnings and restrictions with regard to sexual behavior outside of a social and religious contract (marriage) within the Baha’i Faith – and other faiths – are there to prevent us from doing harm to others. That contract, marriage, is there to, in a sense, guarantee the emotional support and stability necessary to offset, or rather to sanctify and beautify the giving of one’s openness, trust and intimacy to another human being. That marriage doesn’t always work this way is a shame (to say the least) but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t work this way – or that it isn’t meant to.
OK, I am almost done. Therefore, from my perspective, religious laws – especially laws regarding sexual behavior – are there for our spiritual protection and the emotional protection of those with whom we come into contact. They are not draconian limitations on our personal freedoms and our “right” to have fun; they are there to assist us in the very noble goal “that no one should sadden another, not even for a moment…”