Uncomfortable situation

Sep 2010
1,758
Louisiana
dysfunction

Dear Redrocket,
I see nothing "wrong" with what you have done. I have done similar. We can be naive b/c "she" is a Baha'i. I recently started thinking of "my" bully that lasted through high school and from whom I got hateful looks at a high school reunion years ago. I became upset with myself, b/c I am sure he is more successful. It has taken awhile, but I have become a more fair judge of my own successes, history, and circumstances, and I can let that go. That is a very materialistic view.

The biggest mistake in this whole matter is how you let this affect you, balled it up inside and hid with it. I don't blame you at all, but what an unfair thing to do to yourself. It is difficult to learn, but I, the individual, am/is responsible for how I feel. You don't make me angry, I choose to react in that way. It can feel instantaneous and like you are not choosing that, called kneejerk reaction, but we can change how we feel. We can think our way into it or out of it. I have gone to Al Anon for years to learn to do it. I can determine how much someone else hurts me.

I see you as having been sincere and taking a risk, but paying too high a price because it did not work out. I think we have to be very careful with being "in love". It is a very messed up world. Most of us have some dysfunction and how we view being in love can be part of that. Without a lot of hard knocks most people do not understand what real love is about. It is so important to realize that I may fall in love with someone who rejects me, b/c I am used to experiencing that. This is just one example of a skewed view of love. We may love someone who dominates us, b/c we have low self esteem. In both cases it would not be a good relationship, but it happens all the time. Consider holding yourself back more. Find out if someone is trustworthy of your feelings. But let up on you. The most important aspect of a relationship is a good fit e.g. do things well together, like enough of the same things, might eat similarly or can, and are tempermentally suited, etc.
CP
 
Dec 2010
2,056
Australia
err this makes no sense. If you really love someone you want to be with them, perhaps you are scared what they think of you however you would still desire to see them. You sure you love this person? Or is it lust?

I refer you to this quote.

"O SON OF JUSTICE! Whither can a lover go but to the land of his beloved? and what seeker findeth rest away from his heart’s desire? To the true lover reunion is life, and separation is death. His breast is void of patience and his heart hath no peace. A myriad lives he would forsake to hasten to the abode of his beloved.
"